Horrifying Mind

How I spilled water on the floor, I swear it was never poison.

But I was fearful, and it was dark, I ran and hid before I hear steps, and I waited, for someone.. 

To make a noise, any noise, to scream and scare me, but it was quite and warm, and the darkness turned into brightness, 

Oh, how I breathed again.

 

Scared, and fearful of emptiness I was.
Quite and warm reality was.

I believe that the world my head lives in

Is more horrible place

Than a world full of women

Hunting our bodies

With their tongues.

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Paradise

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 I found the way to your heart..

 I’m wadding for the journey

          From where should I start?

  I grabbed band aids ’cause what I’ve been told seems real

 And the road is hard to peel  

 

  In my way,

I felt the hunger for your touch 

But the dream of holding your hand in the end gave strength to my soul.   

I picked the broken pieces in this rough road willing to be your heroine

 

And when it rained,

I slumbered in a safe place

In your secure cave. 

 

I prayed god to keep you for me 

I prayed god to let no one reach you before me  

 

  The sun shined out of nowhere..

Your loyal birds couldn’t hid your story for so long

A little bird begged me to turn this gloomy land to paradise  

 

I dug everywhere,

I found little joy, spangled moments, a lilliputian hope, and a smile.

 

In your sky

I looked for the rainbows of desire to be my direction  

 

The end of the road is near 

 I may see your paradise 

 

     I..

I smelled the roses,

I swam the lake,

I survived it all .

 

My eyes looked straight ahead to see your huge portcullis

As the gate opened

         I stopped dead

I am afraid to touch this land.

I came

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I wonder if you ever think of how you can sparkle my world  

And how your words can make me fly …or fall    

 

It’s just a wonderland..

I force myself to believe that you feel the same way about me 

 

That night I felt bad for myself  

I felt sad for myself for letting you control my world.. my senses    


There’s no suitable way to drop a line 

 I just happen to write to clear my head, 

      Trying not to show the world this mess I live in…  


So bad I want to be your first choice  

So bad I want you to realize your life won’t be the same if I left you..  

Sometimes, I wish, I pray, in your eyes to be the only one 

 ..to be your only choice,  

So bad I want you to get lost, just to be your home..   

               Yet, I know,you prefer her over me..   

You said that, and I can clearly see that hurtful truth   

It’s not selfishness as they say..  

     With confident I say; 

I deserve to be the first thing you think about   

When you open your eyes early in the morning 

And the last thing on your mind, late at night..  


 I don’t need you,  

I happen to need,.. your shiny, glamorous eyes   

And when the clock strikes midnight 

And I start to feel unconscious, I lay on bed, craving your voice  

But I forgot all that, when I decided to, when I thought I can, I did    

That morning, I left.  

I thought, just thought, I could survive..    

I kept a secret from myself.. I hid the truth..  

That I still need you to appreciate me, build your world around me    


And walked away…   

  I heard a voice in the back of my head that says;  

Replacements can make you forget them  

     ..Replacements can make you forget them   


I went looking for replacement  

I went looking for your eyes  

 But, flashbacks ruined everything,  

And destroyed the strength I build that night..    

And your place in my crowded world..  

Stayed empty, 

No one touched it.     

Baby, I’m back. 

Baby, I came.

Nonsense thoughts

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Left me crying over nonsense reason

Why would you disappear?

The nightmares are catching me every night

You left me wretched,..and weak

Maybe I want you real

I want you here.. 

Maybe I hate you for it, 

Maybe you have a reason and will show it.

I just don’t know yet

 But I keep questing myself..

Is it true that I’m missing you.. 

Or am I annoyed from you appearing in my dreams?

I keep questing myself; I still feel weak, and lost.. 

 

But curiosity aches, 

When there’s no reason, no one I can reach

…for help

I keep wondering, my mind aches a little

A little,..

Comparing by the ache you caused to my heart 

A huge horrible lie I said; in strong words I spoke; 

With what I thought can rest my head..

 

I lied to myself; with all my mind I tried to believe

To cure this young, poor heart,..I tried

 

Deep down, 

I know, thinking of you and what I said to myself; 

When I said; 

 

I wouldn’t mind, I’d not miss you if you asked me for leaving

 

Deep down,

 

 I know, 

I’d still wait for your call, 

I’d still wait for you to come back through my door.